I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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