stop calling my apartment porn island.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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