What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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