For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
