FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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