I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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