Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
