I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend