Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through

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  (925): Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen? (1-925): Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through http://tfl.nu/7r4x
  Replies (11) Good night (1143) Bad night (761)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that

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  (613): His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that http://tfl.nu/uqyw
  Replies (23) Good night (1209) Bad night (3795)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  so then she threw up in his asshole

  (1-231): View more from Michigan

  yep..that'll do it.

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  (231): so then she threw up in his asshole (1-231): yep..that'll do it. http://tfl.nu/f3qy
  Replies (15) Good night (680) Bad night (4438)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

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  (630): after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked (708): so? (630): then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas http://tfl.nu/17ue
  Replies (18) Good night (4538) Bad night (645)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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  (781): Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis http://tfl.nu/4nxt
  Replies (22) Good night (3836) Bad night (695)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Acid is not a monday night drug

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  (614): Acid is not a monday night drug http://tfl.nu/0lf0
  Replies (44) Good night (1738) Bad night (4182)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

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  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4948) Bad night (887)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

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  (812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju
  Replies (98) Good night (3791) Bad night (9099)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

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  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4989) Bad night (2352)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.

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  (717): Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire. http://tfl.nu/xlxu
  Replies (11) Good night (1065) Bad night (2394)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match

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  (720): I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match http://tfl.nu/pm5g
  Replies (11) Good night (4328) Bad night (1422)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

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  (845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n
  Replies (10) Good night (2683) Bad night (520)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1458) Bad night (420)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!

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  (907): I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st! http://tfl.nu/87p8
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (299)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.

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  (708): You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat. http://tfl.nu/s6dc
  Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (517)

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