There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?