and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window