Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.