it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.