i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts