why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
