In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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