Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
