Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
