i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
