Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
