Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
