you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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