So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
