My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
