So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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