Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dear god my vagina.
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