Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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