No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
