Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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