So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
