Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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