DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
