She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
