I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
