M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His nipple licking is glorious
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