dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize