just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
50% drunk capacity currently
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
