when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
