take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
True strength comes from lack of pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
