You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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