Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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