i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
