My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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