His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
