Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
