...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
