I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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