hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
