Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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