these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
