Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
