I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
