her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
