I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize