oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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