marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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