He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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