i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
