Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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