Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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