if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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