i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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