Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
