weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
