I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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