My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize