My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
