Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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