What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
