so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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