I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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