i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've blown a few things in my day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
