honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
