I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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