I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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