That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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