dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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