i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
