I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Will exercising make me less horny?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
