my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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