that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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