As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
