so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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