you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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