I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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