The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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