I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
