my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
