And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
