somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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